How to get my foot in your ass...
I refer to EHow.com for a number of things. I have in the past referred to it for 'How to Accessorize for a Formal Occasion' or something like that, when I had a high society wedding to attend.
I have referred to it for 'How to Polish Copper', 'How to Paint Walls', 'How to Repot Plants', stuff like that. I was just surfing around, found myself there, and clicked on the 'Family and Relationships Center' out of morbid curiosity. Could EHow be the magic bullet in fixing my relationship with my in-laws???
But I got sidetracked. And clicked on 'Building Your Family'. And then 'How to Get Pregnant'. OH MY GOD, THERE ARE DIRECTIONS? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME THE EHOW KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING WRONG???
OK, so they do preface it with " For some, conceiving is as easy as pie; for others, it can be more of a challenge. " which ... well... frankly doesn't go far enough in my opinion. It follows with this sage advice:
1. Find a partner.
2. Dispense with birth control. If you've been taking the pill, most doctors advise you to wait at least three months before trying for a baby.
3. Have unprotected sex around the time you ovulate (which, for most women, is roughly in the middle of the cycle, or about 14 days before you expect your next period).
4. Repeat as needed.
5. Continue to repeat as needed
Honestly, I got a little chuckle out of this, it is so simplistic that it seems certain that it is meant to be taken as a tongue-in-check kind of thing. But then I read the EHow's User Tips: Every Day in the morning. Every other day. Schedule. Don't schedule. Chart. Don't Chart. You get the picture. 11 users posted their assvice on how to get pregnant, how they got pregnant, one boasting that she got pregnant the first month, implying that is all the proof you need that it will work for you.
Also amusing was 'How to Orchestrate the Perfect Conception' which included tips on planning so that delivery would be at a convenient time for the parents' work schedules and holiday time. Please, if you are one of those people who actually planned the conception/delivery around work and vacation and had everything fall into place just like you wanted, do not tell me about it. Surefire way to make me want to put my foot in your ass.
Whatever. Anyway, I'm just saying, this isn't cool for the infertile. Not that I think that EHow is where the majority of women are going for advice on conceiving. Hopefully. But, as an alumnus/dropout of Infertility University (IU), I will continue to get peeved whenever someone says "Just relax/chart/have more sex/have less sex/stand on your head..."
Something else that tends to piss me off is the whole 'meant to be' school of thought. I actually do believe that my life has unfolded in a way that seems to indicate planning at a higher level, I even, when pushed, would say that there seems to be some grand plan at work in my life, that the way things have happened, with the infertility and the cancer and the CF-ness, that I am on the right road, that Someone has gently steered me here and that I feel a peace because I am on the path I am supposed to be on. Corny? Sure. A copout? Maybe. But I feel good about it none-the-less. In essence, I feel like I've been given an indication of what is meant to be, at least for now, in MY life.
But what pisses me off, what will continue to piss me off, is when someone says "It was meant to be" or "It wasn't meant to be" or "God has a different plan" to someone else about that someone else's life.
So to those people, I say: It just isn't nice to go around telling people who are hurting that what it is they want so badly isn't meant to be, isn't what God wants for them, or whatever variation on that theme you hear coming out of your mouth. You think you are helping, but YOU ARE NOT. You are basically discounting their pain, discounting their desire, discounting their hard work. I just don't think that God has given you insight to what he wants for me, I think you are just at a complete loss of what else to say. And I say this not only about infertility, but jobs, education, relationships, whatever. And saying 'it will happen when it is meant to happen', well that translates to 'you are wasting time, energy and desire on something that you have no control over'.
Maybe you're right. Whatever. Why poke wounds? Just remember, it brings no comfort when you want something or are grieving that the universe isn't behind you. Bite your tongue. Saying nothing is better by far.
I have referred to it for 'How to Polish Copper', 'How to Paint Walls', 'How to Repot Plants', stuff like that. I was just surfing around, found myself there, and clicked on the 'Family and Relationships Center' out of morbid curiosity. Could EHow be the magic bullet in fixing my relationship with my in-laws???
But I got sidetracked. And clicked on 'Building Your Family'. And then 'How to Get Pregnant'. OH MY GOD, THERE ARE DIRECTIONS? WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME THE EHOW KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING WRONG???
OK, so they do preface it with " For some, conceiving is as easy as pie; for others, it can be more of a challenge. " which ... well... frankly doesn't go far enough in my opinion. It follows with this sage advice:
1. Find a partner.
2. Dispense with birth control. If you've been taking the pill, most doctors advise you to wait at least three months before trying for a baby.
3. Have unprotected sex around the time you ovulate (which, for most women, is roughly in the middle of the cycle, or about 14 days before you expect your next period).
4. Repeat as needed.
5. Continue to repeat as needed
Honestly, I got a little chuckle out of this, it is so simplistic that it seems certain that it is meant to be taken as a tongue-in-check kind of thing. But then I read the EHow's User Tips: Every Day in the morning. Every other day. Schedule. Don't schedule. Chart. Don't Chart. You get the picture. 11 users posted their assvice on how to get pregnant, how they got pregnant, one boasting that she got pregnant the first month, implying that is all the proof you need that it will work for you.
Also amusing was 'How to Orchestrate the Perfect Conception' which included tips on planning so that delivery would be at a convenient time for the parents' work schedules and holiday time. Please, if you are one of those people who actually planned the conception/delivery around work and vacation and had everything fall into place just like you wanted, do not tell me about it. Surefire way to make me want to put my foot in your ass.
Whatever. Anyway, I'm just saying, this isn't cool for the infertile. Not that I think that EHow is where the majority of women are going for advice on conceiving. Hopefully. But, as an alumnus/dropout of Infertility University (IU), I will continue to get peeved whenever someone says "Just relax/chart/have more sex/have less sex/stand on your head..."
Something else that tends to piss me off is the whole 'meant to be' school of thought. I actually do believe that my life has unfolded in a way that seems to indicate planning at a higher level, I even, when pushed, would say that there seems to be some grand plan at work in my life, that the way things have happened, with the infertility and the cancer and the CF-ness, that I am on the right road, that Someone has gently steered me here and that I feel a peace because I am on the path I am supposed to be on. Corny? Sure. A copout? Maybe. But I feel good about it none-the-less. In essence, I feel like I've been given an indication of what is meant to be, at least for now, in MY life.
But what pisses me off, what will continue to piss me off, is when someone says "It was meant to be" or "It wasn't meant to be" or "God has a different plan" to someone else about that someone else's life.
So to those people, I say: It just isn't nice to go around telling people who are hurting that what it is they want so badly isn't meant to be, isn't what God wants for them, or whatever variation on that theme you hear coming out of your mouth. You think you are helping, but YOU ARE NOT. You are basically discounting their pain, discounting their desire, discounting their hard work. I just don't think that God has given you insight to what he wants for me, I think you are just at a complete loss of what else to say. And I say this not only about infertility, but jobs, education, relationships, whatever. And saying 'it will happen when it is meant to happen', well that translates to 'you are wasting time, energy and desire on something that you have no control over'.
Maybe you're right. Whatever. Why poke wounds? Just remember, it brings no comfort when you want something or are grieving that the universe isn't behind you. Bite your tongue. Saying nothing is better by far.
posted by Rooshie at 12:36
2 Comments:
Well said! My favorite is "Things happens for a reason." This is the biggest load of BS. The reality is, "Things happen." Period. End of story. Perhaps it is our duty now to try to educate the rest of the world on how not to be asshats.
I'm totally with you. I just don't think most people out there "get it." They have no idea what many of us have been through. I have a good friend who got pregnant a week or two after her wedding at age 39. I expressed my fears about IVF and she encouraged to go for it. But not b/c motherhood is so wonderful (she gave birth about a month ago) but b/c it didn't seem so difficult to her! She has friends who have been through it and had success. Now, maybe her friends have been through it and have had success; however, as we have been trying unsuccessfully for two years, I wished she just take her assvice and stuff it. What can she tell me about fertility treatment?
Sorry to rant on your blog, I just don't think these fertiles know when to say nothing, whether it's "it's not meant to be" or some other crap like "have you tried timing it?" Wow! Why hadn't we thought of that?
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