We Interrupt the Previously Scheduled Post...

Well, I knew it was coming, I just didn't know when.

My mom finally brought it up (again)-

She asked when I could go off the pill. "Anytime I want." I answered. "Well, then go off already." she retorted.

"I don't want to."
"Are you scared of going through the treatments again? I know it is hard, but I don't want you to miss out on being a mom because you are scared. I don't want you to miss out on the kind of joy we get from you and your brother and sister."
"That isn't it." (I also threw a joke in about all the joy I sucked from their lives when I was a miserable teenager, but it fell flat.)
"Well, it isn't the money..."
"No, it isn't the money. Really, a lack of money wouldn't stop us anyway, if we really wanted it we would find a way. And fear wouldn't stop us, the treatments/miscarriages/etc. were hard, but we didn't stop because it was hard..."
"Well, I just don't understand..."
"Mom, listen, this is very personal, but you need to know... I felt that I was being asked to take another path. You know I'm very private when it comes to my spiritual life/religious life, so just know that I felt that I was being led to a different path than the one we had been on. And since I've been on that new path, I've felt deep peace."
"Well, why didn't you just say so??? That I understand!"

97% of the time I really believe it, too, although I guess this "path" could just be due to inertia.