A Community of Women

Well, in her comment Rose really said what I've been feeling: "I find that one of the things I miss more than motherhood itself is a community of women, and motherhood seems to me (from the outside at least), an instant community."

I have really been missing this community of women, it hit me like a ton of bricks as soon as I read her comment. I don't think I realized it until now, but that is part of what I'm mourning- the belonging. And it is part of what stings when I get questions about our plans for parenthood-- I feel excluded. I know in my heart that when people ask questions upon meeting they are merely trying to find out more about me and make a little connection, but I usually end up feeling very different and excluded. When we planned on having children, I must admit that I saw this as one of the benefits- instant membership in a group of women. I've never really felt that, and the truth is I'm not positive it would have lived up to my expectations. But I still get the feeling that I don't know the secret handshake when I'm with Mothers. Well, actually the ones my age are the ones I feel out of step with, the older mothers I seem to relate to better. The Empty Nesters... (My friend S1 and I went on a tour of homes recently, and one of the realtors something along the lines of "Well, this neighborhood wouldn't be for you, it isn't great for kids and is more aimed at Empty Nesters..." I told S1 later "I think that is how I'm going to start describing myself: as an Empty Nester!" My nest isn't any less empty just because it has always been empty, right?)