(CL x 2)/(SAHM x 10) = Better...

Last night I hosted the group of women, the SAHM's. For me hosting is a little easier, I'm more comfortable in my own environment. I also invited someone new into the group- my friend S3. S3 does not yet have children and may not have children. To me, the dynamic changed just a tad, just enough... S3 is awesome, I overheard her answering a question about her parent-status by saying "No, we don't have kids, we just have lots and lots of earth shattering sex." She cracks me up. Anyway, there is strength in numbers and 2 vs 10 was just enough to shift the balance for me into a more comfortable place.


Now, on to the good advice I'm getting in my comments- to seek out an activity or group that can give me both social opportunities and something worthwhile to do with my time... I know, I know! You're totally right. I'm just having a hard time picking something. Here are some things I've been thinking about:

1. Volunteering. Well, it is true that volunteer work has been a blessing in my life. I spent about 10 or 12 years volunteering at nursing homes, and while it was very rewarding, it was also very hard and it became too much for me emotionally. And I'm not ready to go back. Not yet. One volunteer opportunity I may look more into is something with infants. No, I'm not crazy, I just love to hold and rock the babies...

2. Golf. My husband loves golf, and I always assumed I would take it up when our children had left the nest... So since our nest is going to stay empty why not start early? Well, golf is a sport of... hot, at least this time of the year. I'm not taking it off the list, but I haven't been able to muster more than a mild interest in Golf. It is also a sport of money- Clubs, Shoes, Balls, Cute Outfits, Cart Fees, Lessons (MUCH Needed Lessons...). It all adds up. We may not be able to afford but one golfer in this family.

3. Sewing. I love sewing, but it isn't much of a group activity. I guess it could be, but I don't love dragging my machine all over creation. My group sewing experiences have generally been a bunch of sewers in a common location feverishly working on their own projects with minimal chitchat because we're all desperate to get as much done as we can before getting kicked out. And talking over the whirl of the machines isn't easy, and eye contact is near impossible... So I will continue to sew, but it doesn't help my social needs.

4. Classes at the local Arts Center. We have awesome Art Centers around here, and they offer many classes that make me drool. My problem here is that I become overwhelmed with the choices and indecision keeps me from enrolling until it is too late. I know, I know, I'll get off my ass and enroll in the next session, even if I have to pick the course I will take out of a hat.

5. Gardening. I may look into some gardening clubs in the area. Another activity of hotness, but I need some serious inspiration in my yard. An opportunity to meet people and get something done and learn. I just don't want one of those stuffy gardening clubs...

6. Book Clubs. There are some book clubs available for me to join, but I don't know if I will. I love to read, so it would seem like a no-brainer. Maybe, we'll see.

7. Tennis. But I suck, so no.

I don't know what else to add to the list. I probably shouldn't add anything, just work through these and then see what I'm left with.

Social Calculus

In the beginning childfree felt like an opportunity, but I haven't taken full advantage of it. Sometimes it feels easier to just have kids instead of pursuing the opportunities, Yes, an idiotic reason to have children. There is an effort involved in swimming against the tide, it isn't all joyful and can be quite isolating. Bottom Line: I want to be childfree, but I thought it would be easier. There is strength in numbers and I'm having a hard time finding any numbers. Sometimes it feels that the tide is swimming right past me, I'm not so much swimming against it as clinging to a rock while it rushes past. I need another stream. A stream with fewer childed swimmers.

A conversation with my MIL clarified something for me: the problem isn't the moms I know, and it isn't me. It is just a difference in where we are in life. And this: when I am with a person, in all likelihood we have something in common. And if we also like each other, or if we have nothing in common but like each other, then we'll be OK. But take a roomful of people who all have one thing in common, the one same thing, and throw in one person who has one thing, one different thing, in common with each person... (Like take a room full of people who all are members of the Sherlock Holmes Society and throw in one person who is not. The one person is from the same area as one person, has the same hairdresser as another, has the same kind of pet as a third... and so on.) Bottom line is the majority common interest rules. I need to hang out in a group where the unifying thread is not CHILDREN. It is Social Calculus, I am sure that formulas could be created to predict what ratios will result in what degree of uncomfortable-ness. These moms I hang out with (the ones I keep saying I'm going to stop hanging out with... but really, I may become a complete hermit were it not for the monthly gatherings...) are all good people, they just have a different focus. I am considering turning in my notice for the gatherings. True, there isn't anything else on my dance card, but maybe bowing out of this will give me the much needed kick in the ass to seek out other (better-suited) activities.