Yikes!

Wow, my friends do sound like assholes! I do wish I knew more people who didn't have kids, but so far the only ones we know are currently in the midst of TTC...

I failed to write in the last post about my AWESOME friends who are so cool and supportive and fun that I don't feel worthy of their attention....

Like my gooooooood friend S, who made me homemade cookies after I got all weepy on the phone with her (same day as my PMS post...), and who took me shopping and made me try on things I would never try on, resulting in a large VISA bill this month but some very sexy things to wear!

She is also one of the best and coolest moms I know, as is her sister, S2, who is also one of the best friends I have. I love their kids, and we do spend a lot of time with the kids, but it is never all kids, all the time--- we have adult conversations, they get babysitters and we go out for drinks, dinner, spa treatments. So, yes, some of my friends are a little sucky, (I really think they're just insecure, so they question me, because I'm doing it differently) but I have some REALLY AMAZING friends, as well.

I had a t-shirt when I was a baby (actually, it was my brother's first...) that had a big smiley face on the front and said "Good Water is Good Good Good Good Good" and on the back it said "Bad Water is Bad Bad Bad Bad Bad" I think I need a t-shirt that says "Good friends are Good Good Good Good Good!" I'll leave anything about Bad Friends off because they aren't worth mentioning anyway...

Judgement Calls

So, while talking to a neighbor recently about us possibly moving to house that suits us better as a family of 2, she said "Ohhhhh. So you decided against adoption."

I don't know her very well, and certainly had never told her we were considering adoption, because, well... we weren't. Ever. But I guess she got there? Why? Because we don't have children, which means something must be wrong, which means we must be considering adoption? Just for the record: we did not decide against adoption. We decided against parenthood. Which eliminated adoption. And pregnancy/childbirth.


Another one: All the moms that I hang out with (which sometimes lately is getting to be exhausting...) aren't happy with me right now. They understand we don't have kids, and I think some of them may understand why. What they do not seem to understand is why we're insisting on doing things that they aren't doing. Like spending the college fund we had started for our hypothetical kids on things that we enjoy. They can't do that, why can we? Or why we would want to move somewhere that isn't suitable for kids. Or why we would want cars that car seats can't fit in. Or why we sleep till 10 (gasp! yes, 10!) on a Sunday. How could we do those things??? They just can't relate! Well, guess what: there are a lot of things that you do, as parents, that we just can't relate to! You sign your kids up for 3 extra-ciricular activities each, requiring you to spend 22 hours a week driving them to and from practices and recitals? I cannnot relate. But guess what? I don't have to. Stop looking at me like I'm speaking a foreign language when ask what we're up to and I say "Golf. Shopping. Going on trips. Being lazy." And I won't look at you like you're crazy when I ask you the same and you say "Little league. Changing diapers. Getting all 6 family members over the stomach flu. Planning a birthday party for our 1 year old for 200 of our closest friends, complete with a rented elephant, an inflatible ski slope and a permit to close two streets in our neighborhood for 5 hours."

PMS Changes Everything

So, I'm PMS'ing. I dare anyone to try to tell me that PMS is a figment of my imagination. When I'm PMSing things that normally don't matter can make me cry... I scream at my boss for little reason. Well, there is always a reason to yell at my boss, but 3 out of 4 weeks, I don't feel the desire to yell, I just keep on working and leave him alone. But for 2 days out of the 4th week, I will yell about his general shitiness as a manager, remind him of all of the things he has failed to do, things I need him to do so that I can do what I need to do...

And I am going to a Mother-Daughter banquet with my sister, my neice, and my mother... Which wasn't a problem, until I started PMS'ing and realized that it will on be Mother's Day weekend... Fortunately, I will not be PMS'ing then, so hopefully I won't be freaked out like I was today when I realized what I was getting into... My sister helped tons by pointing out that I wouldn't be the only non-mother there, there were also going to be all the daughters, like my neice. Who is 12. She also thought it would help to point out that there would be lots of grandmothers and children of all ages. OK, so that is cool, I can handle it. I just really hope it isn't Mom-Centric (who am I kidding? It is Mother's Day weekend. It is the 'Mother-Daughter Banquet.' When my husband heard the message from my sister inviting me, he didn't know she had also asked our mom, so he said "And who will you be going as? Your sister's daughter or your neice's mom?" I understand where he's coming from, when I got the invitation I felt like reminding her that I wasn't qualified.) I just don't want it to be all sappy and about the gloriousness of motherhood. I love my mom and totally want to honor her. I'm cool with being a daughter. Just not with the mom thing. If it were today I wouldn't be too cool with it.

Some board friends say they like to think of Mother's Day as a celebration for all women, that we all mother in one way or another. I don't feel that way- I am not a mother. And when people say "Happy Mother's Day" to me I want to snap their necks. It makes me totally understand why Jewish folks wouldn't want to hear "Merry Christmas" every time they turn around in December, and why I am completely on board with "Happy Holidays". These campaigns to make everyone say "Merry Christmas" make me crazy! Back off! Stop forcing your beliefs on everyone else.

My FIL happens to be one of those who thinks all women are mothers. Last M'sD he insisted on telling me Happy M'sD like 10 times, and I kept saying "You do realize that I'm not a mother, right?" It just pissed me off. (For the record, I'm also against anything that minimizes someone's accomplishments in an effort not to hurt others feelings- some schools no longer publish an honor roll, because it stigmatizes those who didn't make it... well, you know what? Study harder.) It pisses me off because I think it is a crock to call me a mother, and because he will not get off my ass about giving him some grandkids. Which makes me love being CF even more. Screw him.

Since I started this post I've been through at least 3 distinct emotional phases: weepy, indignant, PISSED OFF. Yes, PMS does indeed change everything. Over and over and over.